For She Who Stays Silent

He is gone, and won’t hurt you again.

But fear runs through your mind in

refrain.

Most certainly dear,

I promise you clear,

That you’re done, that you’re done, that

you’re done.

No matter my promise, I know you still

fear.

That you jolt from your sleep from his rage.

Give it time, my sweet heart-it will sort

itself out.

Your heart will cleanse him from your

veins.

——————————————————————

That was a poem I wrote a very long time ago, in response to being diagnosed with PTSD. I’ve come to terms about a lot of things, and suddenly I’m foolishly brave again-like I was at age 14, when he found me and started what I now fondly call “the training”.

So, I’ve decided it’s time to stop staying silent, and be loud.

Buckle up.

First

The first things I remember 

Are the Nixon impeachment hearings on the news

A big snowstorm

And being hungry

Crawling around to get my mother another diaper to clean me up

Deciding (quite vehemently) to throw my bottle in the trash because I was tired 

Of 

Being 

A

Baby

And the Felix the cat clock on the bedroom wall

We had a giant space heater with a tin pipe which crawled 

Up the living room wall 

And if you touched the ceramic plates inside,

You’d get burned.

I found ten dollars in the snow that winter, 

And mom and dad were ecstatic, because we were broke and could get groceries then.